Date 12 May 2005
Location 250 miles from Ascension Island
Weather Overcast
Heading 300
This is beginning to feel like the most difficult leg. You know the old adage, a little bit of knowledge is dangerous, well onboard 'Imagine it. Done.' we have 13-core crew that have started the race onboard and will see it through to the end.
I do not doubt for one second that their skills and understanding have improved. Quite conversely I would hope it has, as otherwise I would have to ask the question of myself, what have I been teaching them all this time? However, there is an underlying current for some that they know what it is about now and they do not need to be told. A risk of being over confident perhaps, as this is when mistakes are made.
I am finding myself ever more having to justify my decisions and search for their approval. Defining my actions is healthy as it keeps me on my toes too, and regarding seeking the teams buy in or approval is maybe a weakness in myself of needing to be liked and maybe I should be tougher and not care what others think so often. This is a hard culture to change onboard and not a natural characteristic of myself. But I am going to have to dig deep to keep a focus on this leg to Boston and generating enough care in the crew to make this yacht sail faster.
Sometimes even I do not have the answers and I am sure the other 11 skippers have felt in a similar position at some stage during this race. The crew naturally expect you to know why the other yachts are going faster, what sail plan the other yachts have up, what course they are sailing and why is it different to ours, and the best one is what is the weather going to do. To a certain degree you can give educated reasonable answers to the questions but you know sometimes the crystal ball gets a bit hazy and life becomes unclear.
As far as the sailing, my team, the way the race is going, I love it all, but just sometimes every now and again I run out of fight and diplomacy. I think it is at these times that my core crew recognise the signs and send me for some sleep.
Dee Caffari/Yachting World, 12 May 2005
