Here's a laugh!

[boatone]

Can't help comparing the invasion of NarrowBoats with an unpleasant infestation of undesirable organisms.

Part of the EA's obligations is to protect the indigenous wildlife on its waterways from such threats but here they are encouraging an invasion that is threatening the existence of the rivers traditional users.

Ironic....or what???????

[byron]

gaggle of Geese
herd of Cows
murder of Crows
dose of Crabs
infestation of Narrowboats
flock of Sheep
pack of dogs

Feel free to add /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif

[pheran]

How about.......

A clutter of cats
A wad of cash
A clench of sphincters
A scold of jays
A stumble of drunks
An annoyance of mobile phones
/forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[Sammo]

O Royal River broad and deep
Along it`s banks the willows weep,
Why? Because it cannot cope,
with big black `orrible narrowboats.

With washing flying in the breeze
They crash on through the bankside trees
With throttles wide and trailing ropes
Those big black `orrible narrowboats

And when you reach your favourite Inn
Chances are you won’t get in
To get a place you have no hope
With big black `orrible narrowboats

Then when an overnight you seek
You find that ones been there all week
A full length job with DHSS note
A big black `orrible narrowboat

Worse, when you’re tied up in the lock
With eyes shut tight and hand on cock
Comes roaring in, this crazy scroat
On a big black `orrible narrowboat

See hirers just don`t give a dam
They think that they`re a battering ram
You limp away, but it`s no joke
Those big black `orrible narrowboat

So if they want to be our pals
Then they should stay on the canals
On ditches that are thin and long
That surely is where they belong.

I`d like to punch erm up their froats,
Those big black `orrible narrowboats.



…………

[Cuchilo]

We need some chords for that one ! Tony get the organ out /forums/images/graemlins/blush.gif

[aztec]

i'm already on it... key of C i think.

great words....

uncle albert becomes one of my heros'

steve

[byron]

Very very good, now if we can get Burt Bacharat or Paul McCartney to put a tune to it then it will be a number one hit record.

[Kilter]

No, I think a cluster**** of narrowboats! Definition at: www.urbandictionary.com (http://www.urbandictionary.com)

[Cuchilo]

I played it G C D Em but Em didnt work

[boatone]

[ QUOTE ]
No, I think a cluster**** of narrowboats! Definition at: www.urbandictionary.com (http://www.urbandictionary.com)

[/ QUOTE ]

I still think 'a constipation of narrowboats' is the best collective noun to date ! /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[boatone]

Uncle Albert that is BRILLIANT /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

A folk song style I think should work very well, perhaps even a touch of Johnny Cash treatment?

As for a title, how about 'I've got the big black 'orrible narrowboats up my *rs* blues' ?

I wll ring Pedro and The Plonkers and fix a recording session today /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[BG1]

[ QUOTE ]

I wll ring Pedro and The Plonkers and fix a recording session today /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

[/ QUOTE ]

Or Dudley and the Deputys down at Teddington Lock. /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[byron]

Wonder if MBY or MBM would dare print it. Of course the "hand on Cock" would have to be changed to say "nerves of rock" or something.

[Sammo]

Yes Byron take your point, Of course I was referring to the Fuel Shutoff Cock. /forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif
Anyway try this.

Your turn to lock you drop your lines
And ease ahead , when from behind,
comes roaring past, this crazy scroat
With a big black `orrible narrowboat


If anyone wants to reproduce the poem, feel free.

……..

Go on, someone illuminate me, so what's wrong with Narrowboats on the Thames?

Charlie.

[pheran]

You gotta death-wish or summut?? /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif

No, It was a serious question, an answer to which I am still awaiting.

[pheran]

Stick 'narrowboats' into the Search facility above and settle down to a mornings reading, here and on Motorboat forum.

I could do that, but I would be more interested in answers from the people that seem to have (note I said seem to have) some sort of idea that their style of boating is somehow more valid than someone elses, I read somewhere possibly a link on this forum that narrowboats are a threat to "the traditional" users of the Thames? that seems like a ludicrous thing to say? Particularly as narrowboats have been plying the Thames, both in trade and for pleasure for well over a century! /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

I speak as an outsider of course, and I came across the thread purely by chance, but I have friends who sail on the Thames and they have told me that there is an awful lot of snobbery to contend with, perhaps it was just an example of that snobbery being demonstrated in this thread?

If you are talking about a certain percentage of liveaboards, that creat a mess around them, I would have some sympathy with that, but the message I was getting from the thread, is that all narrow boats, and boaters are bad.

Comments anyone? /forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif

[boatone]

If you would take the trouble to read many of the threads on this forum rather than just this one which was taking a tilt at the EA you would get a much broader picture of the reasons why narrowboats are perceived by many Thames boaters to be creating problems.

I have no objections whatsoever to narrowboats being on the Thames but the subsrtantial increase in their numbers in recent years is creating problems which are detrimental to the more traditional cruiser population, primarily with regard to mooring availability.

Below is the full original text of my 'half' of the Great Debate in the November issue of MBM which might give you a more specific slant on the issue. If you bother to read to the end you will also find that I do not object to their presence per se.

Do Narrow Boats belong on the Thames?

Ask any Thames based cruiser owner to tell you what they least like about Thames based boating and ‘Narrow Boats’ is likely to be pretty high up on most peoples’ list!

It’s impossible not to notice the invasion in recent years, much more so this year with the IWA festival being held at Beale Park, near Reading, and attracting some 600 narrow boats from all over the waterways network. That they were also handed a 30% discount on their visitors licences was really rubbing salt into the wound for cruiser owners, particularly as resident Thames boaters are facing a 12% hike in registration fees every year for the next three years to help pay for river improvement work.

The average narrow boat is twice as long as the average cruiser so it’s not difficult to work out that they take up twice as much mooring space. Unlike canals, where it is possible to moor up pretty well anywhere ‘towpath’ side, and usually for free, mooring space on the non tidal Thames is at a premium so a few 70foot narrow boats can, and frequently do take up what little space is available. The Environment Agency has started trying to encourage boats to moor alongside each other but the idea appears to be meeting with only limited success. Mind you, issuing licence holders with just one sticker saying ‘Welcome to Moor Alongside’ wasn’t too clever…..don’t they know boats have two sides? I have occasionally asked narrow boats if I could raft alongside but, although some have been only too happy to cooperate, the majority have responded either without enthusiasm or, in a few cases in a very negative way, neither conducive to my enjoyment.

Look at the statistics. Narrow Boat numbers nationally up several thousand in recent years. Cruisers registered on the Thames falling year on year. The EA is not going to solve this problem by attracting an invasion of narrow boats with discounted visitors or gold licences and simultaneously demanding ever increasing fees from a reducing number of resident cruisers.

Do Narrow Boats belong on the Thames? Why not? They are not unsuited to the river and their owners can and should be able to enjoy what is, and hopefully will continue to be, a wonderful waterway. However, their newly found freedom should not be at the expense and reduced enjoyment of those of us for whom the river has long been our chosen cruising ground and who pay the lion’s share of boat based revenue.

[pheran]

You'll find that most of the people that have an interest in this matter have already posted and all I was doing was saving repetition. If you want to catch up you need to be prepared to put just a little bit of effort into it. Use the search facility. Or ask a new question of course.

I have asked a question, but it seems that no-one is a minds to answer, not surprising really.

[pheran]

Boatone has more patience than I have. See his post above. But I suspect you are on the stir!

[byron]

Unfortunately it is the 'liveaboards' who mainly give Narrowboaters a bad name. However even leisure Narrowboating people can also add to the bad reputation. This usually an unconcious thing probably down to ignorance of common marine rules. Examples: Coming upstream through a bridge as craft are coming down with the stream, Jumping queues at Locks, hogging moorings and refusing to double bank, taking over short term moorings for days on end (look at Tescos as Reading), mooring the wrong way around, travelling the wrong side of the river, taking the centre fairway and forcing deeper draught vessels into shallows, coming along side other craft in Locks without adequate fendering and on one famous occasion lifting a boats fenders to squeeze in and lay alongside. The list is too long and boring for me to further enumerate.

Hmmmmmm, I have to say that I agree that you certainly seem to have problems with some of them? Maybe it's a case of a bit of edumacation?

Maybe some of the problems you have outlined come about through a lack of knowledge? I wonder how many of the narrowboats that some of you have a problem with, are on hire? therefore manned by people that just don't know any better. Yes it's true. ignorance is really no excuse, but the hire companies could do a lot more in that direction I think, instead of just giving folks a quick spin to make sure that they can steer and stop the boat.

If you have a representative body, could you not ask them to begin working with whoever represents canal and narrow boaters and maybe British Waterways, or whatever they are called these days, to try and get a bit more co-operation?

Maybe you have tried all that? I don't know, but taking the piss, and slagging off people will get you nowhere, because it is you folks that come across as ignorant and beligerent.

Thank you for taking the time to explain where you are coming from, to the person that suggested I was stiring, I can assure you that I am not, but your thread came across to me as very offensive, and smacked of intolerance and snobbery. Maybe you can see that maybe you can't, but posts of that sort wont win you any friends, or do much to aid your cause.

Regards to you all, Charlie.

[pheran]

Whatever...........!

[byron]

It isn't the hire boats indeed they are often the nicest people. As far as asking Envag to deal with matters like overstays, no way, they are for the easy life. Educating them? Hardly! you likely to be met with a torrent of abuse.