View Full Version : panto act 2 - snow white 7d's, RobinsonC and thick plot
The story so far
robinson crusoe played by unclealbert, possibly, has crashed in on the dimly-lit ybw panto Snow White and the 7 dwarves, being (quite badly) produced by brendans and masively screwed up by shipswoofy as HSofficer having a fight with No1moose who sposed to do the lights, whilst jezbanks (who is also doing sdome scriptwriting) and depsol try and finish the set.
Act 1 began with the wicked queen accidentally being played by powerskipper, with hlb as snow white. At the end of act 1, liverpool has blown up and powerskipper has swapped to being the snow white and tome is now the wicked queen. The original snow white (hlb) threw up all over the seven dwarves. Hlb then had a jolly send off with the usual treacle mine sketch.
Highlights of scene 1 inlcude of course liverpool being blown up and somehow the scriptwrites getting £3m quid for doing the nhs panto as well. The treacle mine sketch was a bit rubbish cos we've seen it before.
=======
act 2 scene 1 : back in the palace with tcms copper mirror and tome the wicked queen
tome wicked queen "mirror mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all"
mirror: it is defintely not you, it's snow white
tome wicked queen: "jeez, get a grip you stupid mirror - you obvioulsy know nothing about beauty! BSI standards plainly state that blah drone etc hence tsk, you're useless. and hopeless, i had a **** mirror once before and obviously will have to sell you on ebay
mirror: er but i'm a magic mirror and erm well there haven't been any complaints before and erm
tome: sorry but i think we all know what craop you talk, completely out of date and i have devised an alternative 24-channel beauty-detection system so you're fired.
mirror: Hm, well well you might have a point, on reflection. Geddit? on reflection!
audience: groan
========================
powerskipper
07-12-05, 17:37
Tome after an evil cackle and a rubbing of his twisted hands ,decides that the mirror needs re coppering with his patented "copper anti foul mouse no 1 formula",
this would give a "anti foul mouth" finish to the mirror BOOM BOOM [ groan]
Phoenix of Hamble
07-12-05, 17:49
despite this bad news for the mirror, he decided that the show must go on..... "lets face it", he thought to himself, "there's a long list of b-list celebs that need the commercial benefits of being seen with the ybw crowd....."
"... except ones from Liverpool....."
At this point, the Ugly Queen Tome decides that a script is needed......
BrendanS has been in charge of scripts, but is still busy trying to get his voice recognition software to document the rather challenging line 'The Treacle mine men's mirrors meant more than most men's mothers...'
Confused by his inability to make a computer do EXACTLY what it was told, Brendan has retired to a corner to weep.
So Ugly Queen Tome volunteers to write the rest of the script. This is a problem.
14 "Cackles" later, along with a few "He's behind you" (causing great concern to Lost Boy, Shy_Talk)... the cast are getting bored.....
{At the cottage with dwarves and snow white. Very wobbly dim lights illuminate the stage, populated by equally dim actors. Actors! Hah! that's a laugh.}
snowwhite powerskipper: hello dwarfs.
jimi - look shuttit willya!
snowhite - oops sorree. Anyway, i was wondering what your favourite food was, hm?
jimi. ooh well, that different erm i thin probly whisky stew with haggis or mebbe erm fish would do nicely.
snowhite powerskipper : Oh, i wasn't going to make it for you - like i said i was just wondering, see? I also wonder what is your favourite boys name, what word you say most often, your favourite colour, whether you pick your nose or ears most often, and what animal you would most like to be and your most frequently used term of abuse?
jimi: "Rudolph", "the", "red", "nose", "reindeer", "you daft cow"
audience : groan
=======
Whitelighter
07-12-05, 20:21
{While it has to be said that the lights are very wobbly and a bit dim, and the cast are a bit wobbly and very dim the set is, as of now, finished and isnt in the least bit wobbly or in the slightest bit dim.}
Back in the (now finished) cottage, Recently evil but now reformed Powerskipper and her 7 dwarfs (greedy) had ushered Jimi back into the brig and were preparing to get on wth the show.
Distracted by recent desires to bump of Snow White 1 (hlb), Powerskipper set about the task of finding the one element that this pantomime has until this point lacked...
...Prince Charming (Good luck finding one of those, yea right. Put it away Lakesailor)
“Why is the wicked queen tome standing outside in the cold, chain eating packets of crisps?” asked small boat champ? “Is he alright ?” Do not despair, says Snowwhite P, entering stage left, she says it relaxes him. Well I wish he`d pack it up says champy, you can`t get past the stage door for empty wrappers.
Shame about Liverpool says Dougie T B, not surprised Says Old Git we all told Das Boot to get his gas work done professionally but he has no ears.
Are you getting into bed with the magnificent eight then?
Eight!! exclaimed Snowwight P, there should only be seven, tearing back the bedclothes she revealed an extra dwarf laying on the end of the line with a sheepish grin and 2 fish fingers stuck in his ears
He`s back says Dougie, Lets get `im.
CRASH, BANG, WOLLOP. Everyone jumped as a mighty crash came from the back yard of the cottage, then the door was flung open and the wicked queen staggered in clutching her throat. I`ve swallowed the little blue bag of salt, she cried, but no-one took any notice as they all rushed past her to see what had made the noise.
Outside there was carnage. Father Christmas`s sledge had crashlanded scoring a direct hit on the outside lav, demolishing it completely, the wreckage of the sledge and the presents it was loaded with lay all about. As the eight dwarfs stared in disbelief the voice of Father C was heard coming from somewhere amid the wreckage.
No! Prancer you daft bastud, he wailed…
I said the shmitt house.
The eight dwarfs rushed to help.
………
powerskipper
08-12-05, 07:42
Clipper with a hastily put on reindeer costume rushes to tomes aid, with what looked to the audience like a reindeer kicking tome hard on the back , this did what was intended and the little blue packet propelled its self out of his mouth and into the custard simmering on the stove.
mean while the eight dwarfs and snow white P had pulled farther Xmas from the wreckage and were trying to get the reindeer to check him over ,
Audience: Look out tcm...BEHIND YOU!
tcm: What's behind me?
Audience: A 'mouse'!
tcm: (scratches nuts with one hand while patting top of head with other) I don't know any mouse!
Ghostwriter, Moonfish and Cobra: We think you do lad!!
<span style="color:red"> FLASH! BANG! </span>
The smoke gradually clears and there sitting astride a rather ferocious looking Bull Merino Sheep and wearing a sequinned thong, a flying hemet and clutching a viscious looking walking stick was Glamdrong the wizard.
Glamdrong : Balls!! Wrong forum again!
<span style="color:orange"> FLOOP! </span>
The strange apparition disappeared as quickly as he had appeared leaving a rather acrid smell of very stale aftershave and a pile of droppings from the incontinent sheep.
Meanwhile the cast of this VERY amateur dramatic panto wandered aimlessly around rather hoping someone else would take up the plot!
ghostwriter
08-12-05, 13:51
Author: Sunshine Rose
Subject: Lindsay whats your horse playing name??
In reply to: Midnighte Pride 's message, "Re: This Is The Home Of Tropical Paridise" on 17:35:42 04/27/01 Fri
Do you want to be the leader of the mixed horses herd? because that were i put you up, lol. I made 1 new herd so, i made you a lead mare, ok? The lead stallion is Indigo. Hope you enjoy it! and remember to invite as many horses as you like to live in your herd. Buhbye! *The golden coloured mare walks away to her mate* You look at her as she leaves with admeration.
ooh now we have gone all sorta 'walk along the edge of a fur lined cheese grator' surreal!
Anyways, back to the plot, I was just getting into it!
powerskipper
08-12-05, 16:40
so to distract the audience ,
the 8 dwarfs decided to do a can can dance,
this caused the audience to start laughing and shouting higher,higher as they did the can can kick,
the reindeer sneaked in the sorted farther Xmas out, bit they could not find a red sling for his are so they used a pink one,
Now there dwarfs were not practised dancers, so snow white tyred to sing, well that caused the management to close the curtain, No1 moose killl the lights with ships woofy blessing before there was a mass rush to exit the building.
Later, in another part of the forest The 'orrible little furriner is bound hand and foot and tied to a mooring buoy in a lonely creek. Alongside, seated on the deck of a glamorous yacht, the Billamira V, the beautiful lady sips a fine Burgundy, strokes the handsome and evil looking white cat on her lap and toys with the level that opens the tank of Pirhanas that is also attached to the buoy.
Oops Wrong forum!!!
All of a sudden there came out of the gloom
A dark figure astride a two hulled broom
It is , they cried , the great Neucromancer
Who goes by the name of Catmandoo the Romancer
(He then executes 3 barrel rolls , 2 French hens and knocks the partridge out of the pear tree before adressing the crowd )
Avast Me Hearties ,cries he , I am not a Santo
But I have come just now to liven up this panto
You lack a Prince Charming which is very alarming
But never fear
Catmandoo is here
with a wave of his hand
he transfixes the band
and then with a swirl
and an elegant twirl
of his broom he fell
into the old villlage well
And disappeard from sight
nothing then happened until it was night
When there emerged from the bog
an enormous great frog
It hopped up to Snowhite
who stood in sheer fright
and croaked "Kiss Me Darling " lets do it tonight
(Episode 2 continues next week ) /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
ghostwriter
09-12-05, 09:30
The pair enter, mimicking one another's steps as the late afternoon twilight drifts lazily across the loam. Calloused paws beat a steady rythm, cracked and sore as many miles of fearful journey had driven their movements. One silver one the autumn mirage of fire as the draw reign on the outskirts of Civana Pack. Eyes the color of moonlight filtering over snow flicker to meet visionaries the color terra cotta. His larger frame steps forward to shadow her own, should some unseen danger come flickering upon the wind. One fiery muzzle is lifted to the wind, scenting out the nearby presences of others. One moonlit muzzle is lowered to the earth to scent the dominant scent markings of the alpha upon the terrain. A smirk twists her features into a look a lazy appeal as she settles back to await the appearance of this marked leader. His attentions return to her, confusion mingling in his expression before the lupine version of a shrug plays his muscle actions. Crania is swiftly lifted, sienna muzzle forming a neat formation as a howl is released, signalling their peaceful presence
children, please go keep Marian company
[ QUOTE ]
children,
[/ QUOTE ]
That is rich coming from you Brendan!!! /forums/images/graemlins/tongue.gif
Just warn them off, or I'll round up a few to come and piss all over the other forum, and it will all end in tears again
Tis the season to be jolly, good will and peace to all men, i think not from the tone of your post.
Not yet it isn't. You are either one of them stirring it up, or you have no idea what's going on.
[ QUOTE ]
Just warn them off, or I'll round up a few to come and piss all over the other forum, and it will all end in tears again
[/ QUOTE ]
By which you mean??? Perhaps you would care to expand on this one Brendan??
ghostwriter
09-12-05, 15:25
[ QUOTE ]
Just warn them off, or I'll round up a few to come and piss all over the other forum, and it will all end in tears again
[/ QUOTE ]
as far as confessions go Brendan, that's a heavy one ... so you are the ringleader of the bully team that once in a while goes into hacking mode at other places ? so nice to know that you are allowed to do that under young master "Ollamby's umbrella. I'm sure the IPC bonzo's will like that one, you actually are on the payroll too, is that in your job description ? /forums/images/graemlins/cool.gif
the curtain opens, the real panto begins :
-one person comes tramping up the stage,Bully the Dog, angryfaced, waving his fists : <span style="color:red"> I'll have you know you rascals, this is not your place, this is ours, we rule, the pram is ours" </span>
-little plonkers playing away in the corner : what the fook is this man saying ?
-Bully the Dog : <span style="color:green"> yes you, you load of "orrible obnoxious villains , I'll have you know, I know a lot of very important people, I know people in high places, I have muscle, I have clout, now get off my scene </span>
-one little plonker : but sir, this is an open playground
-Bully the Dog : <span style="color:yellow"> open playground, open playground, as open as my arse on a friday night it is, you mongrel from outer space, I set the rules around here, now warn off your friends and tell them to be gone or you'll see, you'll see </span>
-all plonkers in a choir : we'll see what ?
Bully the Dog : <span style="color:brown">you'll see what you'll see, you bunch of nozems, bashi-boozooks, ectoplasmic postcoital abortions that you are, get thee gone or you'll see </span>
<span style="color:red">Floop,. fazoom, bang </span> Glamdrong the Wizzard, chewing on a half-shaven muttonleg appears on stage : O no, fook, fook and fook, wrong place again !!!
Glamdrong, upon seeing the total nonsense of what is going on emits the most humungous fart ever seen, heard or smelled, but as it happens, the man is already far in his 250's , so it's not abnormal he's getting a wee bit in-continental and this morning nursie was out of pampers ... a roar of laughter rolls through the auditorium when seeing Bully the Dog covered all over with Glamdrongs incontinency.... the little plonkers doing their normal act of ROTFLMAO, and we'll leave it at that, dear children, don't come and see next week when Bully finds there is no more toilet paper left to clean himself.
/forums/images/graemlins/wink.gif
lighten up Brendan, all part of the panto named : life.
Who said anything about hacking. Is that an allegation aimed at me? If so, repeat it very carefully and clearly, and I will ask ipc for your IP address and full name and address so I can take legal action. I said piss on your forums, like you and your mates are trying to do here. So shove off.
... The action moves to Inner City London (Islington, to be precise) in the 21st Century. The Seven Persons of Restricted Growth - as we should, more correctly, call them - have, sadly, lost their jobs, as the owners of the Diamond Mine (a large multinational conglomerate, with its headquarters in Lichtenstein) have closed it down and outsourced production to the Phillippines.
The 7 have, however, managed to obtain alternative employment at a Call Centre near Dalston Junction and, as they march their merry way to work (because all of the trains have been cancelled) they sing a merry song.....
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
It’s off to work we go
With a cool hand-jive,
And a P45,
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho!
We talk talk talk talk talk talk talk on our phones the
whole day through
To get a proper job is what we’d really like to do
But we’ve got no mine so it’s mighty fine,
To work on a Customer Service line!,
Where a million *rseholes whine!
(Chorus)
We talk talk talk talk talk talk talk from early morn till night,
Mostly with egregious creeps, who treat us all like sh!te.
We answer questions by the score
Though it’s a monumental bore,
But if we stop, we get what for
From our creepy slug-like boss.
Heigh-ho, Heigh-ho
It’s home from work we go
Didn’t get the knack,
So we got the sack.
Hey-ho, Hey-ho, Hey-ho, Ho hum………………… /forums/images/graemlins/frown.gif
THis is getting interesting .
Can you please advise for the uninitiated exactly what is going on here and exacty what forums you are referring to .
Do you have a previous life ???
So what you are saying Brendan is that you would much rather that members of the boating fraternity who choose to frequent more than one forum, should not be allowed to do so, and certainly are not welcome on the ybw fora?
Or am I misinterpreting what you are saying?
I was under the impression that this panto could be contributed to by ALL registered users of the YBW fora, and certainly from some of the early efforts there seems to have been no restriction on the direction or content of the plot...or have I got it wrong again?
funny how a few members who seldom post on this forum suddenly turn up and start posting in jokes like the horse thing which have no relevance in a panto.
You haven't answered my question. Were you accusing me of being involved in a hacking attempt?
[ QUOTE ]
Not yet it isn't. You are either one of them stirring it up, or you have no idea what's going on.
[/ QUOTE ]Well I'm certainly not a one of them, but in this instance Brendon your being a complete prat. It's nearly christmas for christs sake "good will to all men" now you don't own this forum and you have no right to dictate who should be allowed to post here, especially as they have not broken any rules of ipc. Now pick up your dummy and get on with writing something worth reading. Now to carry on with the panto, who's that behind you?
[ QUOTE ]
Not yet it isn't. or you have no idea what's going on.
[/ QUOTE ]
I was recommended to visit and join this site, as a fun and funny place to swap stories and read about boaty things.
You come across as a smug know it all, and personally i havent' the faintest idea what the hell you're going on about but hardly an inclusive type of attitude to take to newcomers, no wonder they don't post!
17,000 members and only a couple of hundred regular contributors, maybe your warm and welcoming style has something to do with it.
By the way its a PANTO.....get a life ! oh yes it is!!
[ QUOTE ]
originally posted by Brendan
You haven't answered my question. Were you accusing me of being involved in a hacking attempt?
[/ QUOTE ]
I have just reviewed my posts. I have copied the relevant ones for your benefit:
[ QUOTE ]
Cobra That is rich coming from you Brendan!!!
[/ QUOTE ]
then
[ QUOTE ]
Cobra By which you mean??? Perhaps you would care to expand on this one Brendan??
[/ QUOTE ]
then
[ QUOTE ]
Cobra So what you are saying Brendan is that you would much rather that members of the boating fraternity who choose to frequent more than one forum, should not be allowed to do so, and certainly are not welcome on the ybw fora?
Or am I misinterpreting what you are saying?
I was under the impression that this panto could be contributed to by ALL registered users of the YBW fora, and certainly from some of the early efforts there seems to have been no restriction on the direction or content of the plot...or have I got it wrong again?
[/ QUOTE ]
You appear to be under the illusion that I have accused you of something that I quite obviously have not. Antagonistic I may be at times...Stupid I most certainly am not! As it is the season of goodwill I would suggest an apology would be in order?
However...I guess that will not be forthcoming.
Anyway Happy Christmas one and all!!
BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
Check the post, Brendan was talking to ghostwriter, not you.
-Keith
Lakesailor
09-12-05, 20:10
.......but I'm suprised at this month's raft of "New Users" who are laying into regulars.
Now I'm not suggesteing that being a regular poster makes you sacrosanct, but how do these New Users know who to target and if in fact, they are just newly duplicitly registered existing forumites, why don't they have the guts to attack as themselves.
If they are genuinely new, why did you register just to attack the existing forum's perfectly reasonable activity?
I think we need to know.
ShipsWoofy
10-12-05, 00:57
This is the worst production ever. The cast are throwing the scenery at each other and I have run out of jelly babies down here in the stalls, I am going to have to start throwing me revels.
Coffee ones first I think.
Take that you orrible mean actors, and that!
Lakesailor
10-12-05, 16:11
I think I know now.
deborahann
10-12-05, 17:33
well ghostwriter, that was an unpleasant post, only thing worse would be actually stepping in somthing "bully the dog" has done.
The story so far.
Robinson Crusoe is still waiting for a part but Brendan who has been busy sorting out a wicked troll who gate crashed the proceedings and then, aided by the two ugly sisters, turned on him, sending all the cast scurrying for cover.
Then in the best tradition of the forum the troll announced he was leaving, of course he’ll be back. At least I hope he does as we are still looking for someone to play Scrooge and he’d be perfect.
Snow white P had a nasty scare when she discovered a stowaway in her bed. No one knows for sure who it was but it was very fishy.
The seven persons of reduced stature set to work to repair Santa`s sled and armed with the boaters emergency tool kit, ie. Twelve rolls of black ducting tape, soon had him on his way, they had then gone off to seek their fortune in Telesales
Woofy in his role of health and safety officer helped everything along by bringing everything to a standstill.
No1 moose is still on light duties.
So there you have it. Tome has gone off in search of something to eat and in the distance the eight dwarfs can be heard singing
I owe…. I owe…. so of to work I go.
The story contiues.
Then Snowwight P spotted a small green frog sitting on a toad stool left of center stage, “Would you mind if I gave you a kiss,” asked SnowightP, “Alright said the frog, but no tongues.”
........
powerskipper
11-12-05, 19:35
Snowwight P gives this option some long hard thought [30 seconds later] She did not expect the frog to say "Yes"
She decides to give it a go, it can't be any worse than what has gone before,
So she puckers up, and gives the frog a long slow KISS, [ no tongues.
]
With a whizz and a bang and a large flash [ OK moose one that enough]
the frog turns............................................. ........................... a somersault and grins, then splutters.
then says "Well you need some practise on that !I have had better kisses from a fish than the one you just gave me!!!"
Oh dear - wheres the Ice cream lady....
Waaah - wanna ice cream!
Well Julie looks like it’s just the three of us , Me you and Harry, even the audience has gone.
Perhaps they’ll be back at closing time. In the meantime let`s go back over to the Mobo forum where we feel more comfortable and I’ll tell you a longwinded Christmas story.
Bring your hankie.
.............
powerskipper
16-12-05, 21:29
Is it a really good tearful one. will I need to bring a box of them /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
By the way Snowwhite The Frog Prince is still waiting for his kiss for the second instalment to continue
powerskipper
17-12-05, 18:49
Well snow white , is slightly taken aback by this statement, so she turns her back on the frog and has a practise kiss on her hand, smooooooooooch.
She turns back picks up the frog and says"lets try again"
she licks her lips and puckers up.......................................
.................................................. .................................
there is a
bang
loads of smoke
and the frog turns into
Harry the Donkey,
hhhmmm says snow wight,
the dwarfs are now in fits of giggles,
all eight of them!!!!!!!!!!
they rush up the HARRY and climb on his back,
and with buckling legs and being pushed by snow wight, they exit stage left,
INTERMISSION.
ShipsWoofy
18-12-05, 12:23
[ QUOTE ]
the dwarfs are now in fits of giggles
[/ QUOTE ]
Surely you meant the Keepers of the forest!
Ah Harry the Donkey every person wants him to carry a heavy load .
Little Donkey , Little donkey , with a heavy load etc (sung by Snow White )
On his back is a catamaran which he has hauled out of the water .
He trudges up the ramp ,
clippety clop , clippety clop , clippety clop
All of a sudden from under a pontoon comes this horrible voice
Im a Troll Bowley Roll ,
Im a Troll Bowley Roll,
Im a Troll Bowley Roll
And Ill eat you for my Supper
Little donkey then says in a timid voice
Oh Mr troll please don't eat me
if you will wait a while you will see Big Bad BrendanS
You will recognse him because he looks like a boat stuck on the end of a pointy rock
And he is always tweaking nipples
So the Horrible Troll goes back under the ponton and the Little Donkey climbs up the top of the ramp to meet Snowwhite who (after he has put the boat on the hard, jet washed it and given it a rub ready for next years antifoul ) gives him a hug and a kiss -----!!!!!!!! &&&&&&&
Suddenly there is an almighty roar , (like an outboard on test in a 40 gallon drum)
followed by a sound like a thousand sanders removing old antifoulant and Cinderella looks with amazement as Harry the Donkey sheds his outer hairy , barnacle infested skin, straightens up to turn into Handsome Prince Charming .
Snow white then says " Prancing Powerskippers, Yodelling Yachtmasters , Magnificent Motorboats , Dirty Diesel etc. etc "( Producer's comment "this is a childrens show , no swearing allowed )
The Prince says I will take you away on my magnificent chariot to some desert island where we can drink wine , eat good food and perhaps play scrabble "
Snowwhite full of admiration says "
( to be continued by Power skipper )
powerskipper
19-12-05, 19:29
I don't mind what they are the keepers of as long as they keep their hands to themselves /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
powerskipper
19-12-05, 19:35
What an offer, all that sun and sea,
You do mean a tropical Island and not Greenland!!!!
Can I drive the Chariot, It looks fun /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
food sound good and wines as long as its good quality, I hate hangovers,
but scrabbel........well ..................mmm.................... I f you let me cheat a bit, as I always loose at that game,
Card are more fun.
I know lots of card games /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
and will be be back in time for Xmas as I have to cook the dinner /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
yes Sicily Wine Donna Fugata
Scrabble well there are forfeits for losing
Like diving overboard to scrape off the coral and barnacles amongst the jelly fish in the Messina Straight
As far as card games are concerned . Do you know "Strip Jack Naked" ?
However you have to watch out for BIG BAD BRENDAN S who is always prowling about
One forfeit is to skipper a sword fish boat from the top of a tower on the boat (see my PIC on Frapper )
powerskipper
19-12-05, 20:07
some of that sounds fun /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Which bit do you like the most ? the sword fish boat hs a dog at the end of the long bowsprit type gangway
powerskipper
19-12-05, 21:25
the boat bit, on top of it bit /forums/images/graemlins/grin.gif
vBulletin® v3.8.1, Copyright ©2000-2012, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.