Soul-searching and self analysis....??? IS there an answer other than 42?

Wow, what an interesting topic, but, is the perceived answer to the question actually retirement or; change of life?

Since the early 1970s, I always had the dream of buying a Nauticat 44 and sailing off to ascertain the South Pacific. It was always that specific boat. However, until now, I have not been in a position to do this, both financially and due partly to the fact that I have been a single-parent for the last 12 years.

Now, however, with work just boring me and stressing me out senselessly, I asked the kids if they fancied living on a boat, and explained my lifelong ambition/dream. My 21 year old son responded positively (yeah, cool Dad. Go for it), while my 16 year old daughter tells me she was planning to get a flat of her own anyway. So, I start to look deeper into it.

First of all, I find my dream boat, the Nauticat 44. However, it does not appeal to me as much as it did in the 1970s. Although then, it seemed large, today it seems too small to liveaboard. So, I look for something bigger, I see a 20 year old 521 which seems to fit the bill. However, all the people in the know to whom I speak, tell me it's too big for a liveaboard as I would spend my whole life maintaining it!

Thus starts a period of introspection. Could I handle the maintenance at my age? Is it really an ideal liveaboard? Why do I want something that big? Am I too old to go off gadding about the world? What am I actually looking for - is it adventure?

The answers are frankly simple: I want something that big simply to mirror the comfort I have in my house. I am not really looking for adventure at all, just something different. Just to basically escape the rat race. I am not really all that eager to see the world. Cruising the UK, Channel Islands, maybe the Med, is as far as I really want to go. All I am after really is escapism, as I am no longer happy with my present lifestyle and possibly haven't been for a long while. But, am I trying to escape from myself? Will the boat fix the problem of depression or will it add to it? Will I stress even more?

While the kids and many friends will no doubt visit me and spend time aboard from time to time, I will essentially be alone (all my wives have run off over the years - so cannot expect a new one to be any different). Maybe I shall be lonely?

Work is not a problem, as although I will give up the job, and have no pension whatsoever, and will have blown all my money on the boat and fitting it out with the necessary mod cons - automatic dishwasher - essential for single man - would I have married so many times if I had known about automatic dishwashers then?), nonetheless, I can work from anywhere with a laptop and a satphone. I could probably scratch a living here and there, maybe write another book or two and so on.

There are a million and one questions, none of them have predictable answers...

At the end of the day, the decision, which could come any day now (well, as soon as the house is sold!) will eventually be made, after much soul searching, probably more as an act of impulse rather than calculation.

Will it be the right decision? Who knows?

Does anyone really care anyway? If it is the wrong decision, then all I have to do, is sell the boat again, buy or rent another flat or house somewhere, get put in an old peoples home, or die. Assuming that is, that I have not already sunk and gone to Davey Jone's locker, because of a crass mistake in my seamanship or weather forecasting or whatever.

Who knows, I might even meet the girl of my dreams, and have a heart attack due to the shock of realising how nice she is! Or other things.

At the end of the day... It really isn't such a big decision, as, save for something drastic happening, the decision to either retire, or to buy a boat and sail into the sunset, can easily be reversed, by simply steering a reciprocal course.

But, what an experience to have missed in life !!!