More proof reading needed! Watergare farm? But I am sue you will spot them ll in time.
You mention "water slap in a traditional forward cabin" yet the boat boasts a forward VIP cabin, in my opinion, I would remove the statement.
The pictures are excellent however the one shot of the saloon needs tidying up, the rear deck is a mess and it is not presented very well.
In the itinerary section you list, mooring up on the Hamble and "walk ashore" what happens if the moorings are all full, you also mention a meal at the Jolly sailor, I think you need to add, 'subject to availability' and or tides?
The site is good, looks professional, easy to navigate, a little to much text for my liking.
You did ask!
Results 21 to 30 of 116
01-05-12, 22:45 #21Registered User
Location : Shropshire/Southampton
- Join Date
- Apr 2009
01-05-12, 22:52 #22
I thought it looked very professional and (scuse my contrariness) didn't mind the big pics and the need to scroll down.
As ever with this kind of thing one points out the bits that arguably need changing, so I'm dsorry that what follows is such a list, and please don't forget my first sentence above
1. I 100% agree with deuc2 that the single sex relationship para is truly cringworthy in a David Brent kind of way and doesn't belong in 2012. you really have to delete this henry. your aim in including it makes sense, but the words do not do the job you are wanting
2. Overall there are loads too many words. I nearly fell asleep at the dull detail. No one cares that your tender has an alloy hul - I'm a boat geek and even I don't care.. And that you patio doors are "triple". And tat the USA brand name is Viking (reader thinks: why is he telling me that - I hope he isn't the skipper). And that you "do not provide medical support per se" - thanks for clarifying just in case I decided to ask for a hip replacement after my latte. You need to get 300 words out of the whole thing
3. Quite a few typos + duff punctuation. The home page button should say "itinerary".
4. "Litter the solent" feels a bit malapropism to me when you're talking about nice not nasty things in the solent
5. Pricing looked good value and attractive. Should work well on that front
6. Tracy Emin beds are a personal hate. Yours were not pure Tracy, but they were enough not-quite-straight to annoy. In photos like that everything needs to be crisp perfect and you need to spend 20mins preparing the beds for the shot. Ditto some of the background in the other pics (cushions in cockpit)
7. Flowers would be good :-)
Despite the above points i thought it was great. Nice pics and a very slick pro feel to the whole thing. The whole product you're offering looks excellent and I wish you much success with it
Last edited by jfm; 01-05-12 at 22:57.
01-05-12, 22:59 #23Registered User
- Join Date
- Oct 2009
Still reading henry
"Disability - By virtue of their design boats are not ideally suited to those with mobility problems. Things to consider are getting on and off the boat (including using the tender), tackling stairs on board and narrow doorways, toilet and shower compartments with restricted space. We want to extend the luxury Motor yacht experience to as many people as possible on an inclusive basis but please be aware of the potential problems. In exceptional circumstances it may be possible to arrange a meeting at the boat to determine whether your disability would preclude you from taking a charter prior to booking. This would be done on a free of charge basis."
I think you might be verging on discrimination in the legal sense here.
01-05-12, 23:01 #24
''Your skipper will provided a motorized tender service ashore.''
Provide and motorised.
01-05-12, 23:03 #25
Thanks for that. Some of the content is for Search engine optimisation, the Viking boats part being one of them. We are targeting not just British guests.
Word count, up to a point, is your friend when it comes to search engine love.
01-05-12, 23:05 #26Registered User
Location : New Forest
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
As usual a quality job Henry , my only nit pick would be that i had to hunt through all the pages to find out how many guests could be aboard overnight / daytime .
01-05-12, 23:05 #27
Purely for comparison/research, here is a website for a boat near mine in Antibes. The boat isn't pristine and new like yours but the photos of the made-up tables and flowers and stuff work well, imho. (Still has Tracy Emin beds LOL!)
You might want to make clear on your website that you can do a day charter with lunch or dinner for 6 and show a table for 6 so people can imagine having dinner on board. Lots of people like day charters and want to return to own bed or hotel at night
01-05-12, 23:06 #28
01-05-12, 23:08 #29
01-05-12, 23:10 #30Please donate: Breast Cancer research http://www.justgiving.com/Gary-Pearson4