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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Savannah 32 00.50N - 80 59.90W

    Default Bored??.............Saturday Humour......nb

    Recorded telephone conversations that you can’t believe ever took place!!

    Caller: “Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?”. Operator: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about”.
    Caller: “On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?”.
    Operator: “I think you mean the telephone point on the wall”.

    Caller: “Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am travelling in Australia?”.
    Operator: Doesn’t the product give you a clue?

    Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France):
    If I register my car in France, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?

    Caller: “I’d like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please”.
    Operator: “I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Is the spelling correct?
    Caller: “Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off.

    Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
    Operator: “Woven? Are you sure?
    Caller: “Yes. That’s what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland”.

    Caller: “I’d like the RSPCA please.
    Operator: “Where are you calling from?
    Caller: “The living room”.

    On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: “I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on”.

    Tech Support: “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop”.
    Customer: “OK”.
    Tech Support: “Did you get a pop-up menu?
    Customer: “No”.
    Tech Support: “OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?
    Customer: “No”.
    Tech Support: “OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?
    Customer: “Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’”.
    Tech Support: “OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?
    Customer: “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?

    Caller: “I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my file back again?

    Customer: “How much does it cost to Bath on the train?
    Operator: “If you can get your feet in the sink, then it’s free”.

    Customer: “I’ve been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can’t get through to enquiries, can you help?
    Operator: “Where did you get that number from, sir?
    Customer: “It was on the door to the Travel Centre”.
    Operator: “Sir, they are our opening hours”.

    Caller: “I would like to borrow £2,000 please”.
    Operator: “Certainly, sir. Over how long?
    Caller: “Three years, please”.
    Operator: “OK, sir. That will be £75 per month for 36 months. Is that OK?
    Caller: oh no I’d rather have it all at once.

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  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    North Ayrshire/ Loch Lomond.

    Default Re: Bored??.............Saturday Humour......nb

    Very Good....

    I'm stuck at work, Its very quiet, Really annoyed i'm not getting too the boat this weekend.
    Also having to work tomorrow.. Yawn............................

    <hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=> My Pictures, Look if you want.</A>

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Dorset/ Hampshire. south coast

    Default Re: Bored??.............Saturday Humour......nb

    Funny motor insurance claims

    "The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind." (Thanks Sharon Burrows)

    "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."

    "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

    Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
    A: Travelled by bus?

    The claimant had collided with a cow.
    The questions and answers on the claim form were -
    Q: What warning was given by you?
    A: Horn.
    Q: What warning was given by the other party?
    A: Moo.

    "I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."

    "On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."

    "I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."

    "I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"

    "I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."

    Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature?
    A: "I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan."

    "First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."

    "Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."

    "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"

    "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

    "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

    "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"

    "A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face"

    "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"

    "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

    "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

    "I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

    "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

    <hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=></A>

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Dorset/ Hampshire. south coast

    Default Re: Bored??.............Saturday Humour......nb

    My car got hit by a submarine." (The Navy informed the wife of a submariner that the craft was due in port. She drove to the base to meet her husband and parked at the end of the slip where the sub was to berth. An inexperienced ensign was conning the sub and it rammed the end of the slip, breaking a section away, causing her car to fall into the water. The Navy paid the compensation claim. (Thanks Jay Kuivinen)

    <hr width=100% size=1><A target="_blank" HREF=></A>

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2001
    Poole Dorset

    Default Re: Bored??.............Saturday Humour......nb

    hi hoo... not been around for a while...

    but thanx.. that made me smile, and i needed it.

    hope you and yours are well.

    regards, steve.

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  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2002
    Savannah 32 00.50N - 80 59.90W

    Default Re: Bored??.............Saturday Humour......nb

    Hi Steve, home tomorrow for 3 weeks. engine to install and a whole heap of other work to get back in the water.

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