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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    East coast UK. Mostly. Sometimes the Philippines

    Default Cruising under Sail: the facts

    Purloined from the Facebook page of a club of which I am a very junior member, after reading Scotty123’s thread titled ‘Get your cheque book out!’


    Not sure who to attribute this too, but whoever you are, thank you! A bit of humor to lighten our day. ..

    Anchor Light - A small light used to discharge the battery.

    Backstay - The last thing to grab as you are going overboard.

    Bilge - A storage area in the bottom of the boat for all the things you cannot find. Also a mixing area for water, fuel and head output.

    Bilge Pump - An electrical device designed to remove the charge from your batteries. These devices only operate when the vessel is not taking on water.

    Bow - Best part of the boat to ram another with.

    Carbon Fibre - Colour: Black. Cost: Absolutely outrageous. Life expectancy: 2/3 days.

    Caulk - Any one of a number of substances introduced into the spaces between planks in the hull and decking of a boat that give a smooth, finished appearance while still permitting the passage of a significant amount of seawater.

    Centreboard - Vantage point for the helmsman to occupy whilst blaming the crew for capsizing the boat.

    Chart - A type of map which tells you where you are aground or what you just hit.

    Circuit Breaker - Electro-mechanical switch designed to electrify all conductive metal fittings throughout the boat and flatten batteries. Available at most chandlers.

    Companionway - A hole to fall into. (See "Hatch")

    Crew - People working on your vessel, usually friends who dont find out about the "work" part of the trip until you are away from the dock. Crews have a high turnover rate, and normally will never want to see you again, let alone set foot on your boat again.

    Cruising - Fixing your boat in distant locations. Leaving boat, returning home by train for several weeks and then collecting boat when unforecast storms finally ease.

    Deck Fitting - Device for letting water into the cabin.

    Engine - Sailboats are equipped with a variety of engines, but all of them work on the internal destruction principle, in which highly machined parts are rapidly converted into low-grade scrap, producing in the process energy in the form of heat, which is used to boil bilge water; vibration, which improves the muscle tone of the crew; and a small amount of rotational force, which drives the average size sailboat at speeds approaching a furlong per fortnight.

    Flashlight - Tubular metal container used for storing dead batteries prior to disposal.

    GPS - An electronic device that allows you to navigate out of sight of landmarks just before the batteries die.

    Gybe - A great way to end up on Port Tack right in front of the whole fleet thats approaching the mark on Starboard. Also a quick way to wash out your racing dinghy.

    Hatch - 1. Another name for a hole to fall into. 2. An opening for admitting water into the vessel.

    Hazard - Any boat or any body of water. Any body of land near any body of water.

    Helmsman - The nut attached to the rudder through a steering mechanism. The only Crew member who might enjoy a gybe.

    Keel - A very heavy depth gauge.

    Ketch - Sailboat with good wine in the cabin.

    Motor Sailer - A boat that alternates between sail/rigging problems and engine problems with beer in the cabin.

    Personal Floatation Device - A multifunction device normally used as a cushion, packing material or sponge. Coastguards require one for each person on board to ensure they have something soft to sit on in case seating is limited.

    Porthole - Glass-covered opening in the hull cleverly designed to let in water when closed.

    Propeller - Underwater winch designed to wind up any lines or sheets left hanging over the side.

    Racing Rules of Sailing - A handy book of jokes published by the RYA.

    Sailing - The most expensive and complicated way of going slowly, getting wet and becoming ill known to man.

    Schooner - A boat with a fully stocked drinks cabinet in the cabin.

    Sheet- A line made to rip gloves or hands part. Has the ability to tangle on anything.

    Sloop - A boat with beer and wine in the cabin.

    Spinnaker - 1. Large sail used in dead calm to keep the sun off the crew. 2. An extremely large, lightweight piece of cloth trailed in the water to slow the boat down.

    Spinnaker Pole - A tubular device, the outer end designed to sever any connection it may have with the spinnaker while the inner end clamps itself to rigging, clothing, etc.

    Stem Fitting - The hole made in a competitors boat when your helmsman misjudges a Port / Starboard crossing.

    Stern - The flat, back end of your boat, included so you have a place to paint the name on.

    Through Deck / Hull Fittings - A leak.

    Yacht Race - Several boats going in different directions.

    Last edited by Kukri; 12-09-19 at 12:41.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2013

    Default Re: Cruising under Sail: the facts

    "Heave"----What happens when the boat's motion overcomes your ability to deal with it.
    "Heave ho"-----As above after eating too much "ho".

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2007

    Default Re: Cruising under Sail: the facts

    Yachts. An endless source of entertainment and amusement. For boat repair yards.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2019

    Default Re: Cruising under Sail: the facts

    yacht, A hole in the water that you poor money into.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2002

    Default Re: Cruising under Sail: the facts

    You forgot: Torch - a container for discharged batteries.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Me - Zumerzet Boat - Wareham

    Default Re: Cruising under Sail: the facts

    Boom - A place for birds to make nests in.
    Deck light - A device to hook halyards
    Propeller - An anchor point for Pot Buoys.
    Facilitated by AWESEM WP Agency

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jun 2015

    Default Re: Cruising under Sail: the facts

    Really, only 2 days of happiness!
    1, the day you bought the yacht.
    2, the day you sell the yacht.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Sail on the Medway, Kent from Chatham Maritime Marina

    Default Re: Cruising under Sail: the facts

    Lifeline. Something you miss as you fall overboard.
    Sea toilet. Designed to block regularly.
    Holding tank. If sh*t happens, it should go here.
    Bunk. Padded place to lie when feeling seasick. Not to be confused with bunk up.
    Cooker. Dangerous device for burning explosive gas.
    Split pin. A pin with two identities.
    Bottle screw. A device to help open a bottle of wine.
    Wind. A general term for burps and farts.
    Full cockpit cover. The best thing to make an ugly boat look even worse.
    If my foresight was as good as my hindsight, I would be a multi-millionaire.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    Home - Sothampton, Boat - Gosport

    Default Re: Cruising under Sail: the facts

    Boom A device for rendering vertical crew members horizontal; named after the noise it make when doing so.
    Never believe anything until it has been officially denied.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    On the Celtic Fringe

    Default Re: Cruising under Sail: the facts

    Quote Originally Posted by LadyInBed View Post
    Boom - A place for birds to make nests in.
    Deck light - A device to hook halyards
    Propeller - An anchor point for Pot Buoys.
    Radar reflectors - A bigger device to hook halyards.
    Cynical Scottish very nearly retired engineer who sails a Gib'Sea 96.

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