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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2001

    Default A Tax inspector writes ...

    Dear Mr Addison

    I am writing to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise.

    I will adress them, as ever, in order. Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we, at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such documents.

    Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomitted daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy private banking houses and pissant gas-mongers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised.

    In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain, with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.

    Which, brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking facade of a university system."

    A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:
    1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins" on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system;
    2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrows of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.

    I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India" you would still owe us the money.

    Please forward it by Friday.

    Yours Sincerely,

    H J Lee

    Customer Relations
    Inland Revenue

  2. #2

    Default Re: A Tax inspector writes ...

    sounds like a polite reply ...... he will probably be head hunted now to work for more arrogant tyrannical cs departments.

    any spring to mind ?

    at sea - boring is good, exciting is bad

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2005

    Default Re: A Tax inspector writes ...

    Thats remarkable, so similar to the letter sent to me....

  4. #4
    Kilter is offline Registered User
    Location : Finesse 24 Port Dinorwic
    Join Date
    Jul 2005

    Default Re: A Tax inspector writes ...

    Computer generated no doubt!
    Light travels faster than sound this is why some people appear bright until you hear them

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr 2002

    Default Re: A Tax inspector writes ...

    Wish I had civil ones like that.
    We are currently discussing a cheque for 3.17 paid to the wife from POFSA as expences when she did the results Falmouth week. The tax man is claiming it as a input to me that I am trying to avoid tax on. He also thinks that I am over paying the wife, as she is my wife and is doing what he things a wife should do for free, his wage for her currently works out at 2.50 an hour. Thought there was a min wage?.


  6. #6
    2Tizwoz's Avatar
    2Tizwoz is offline Registered User
    Location : Northumberland
    Join Date
    Jun 2005

    Default Re: A Tax inspector writes ...

    Income Tax was introduced as a temporary measure.

    Is its time up yet ?

  7. #7
    Quiddle's Avatar
    Quiddle is offline Registered User
    Location : The North West, either England, Wales or France
    Join Date
    May 2003

    Default Re: A Tax inspector writes ...

    As a mere PAYE slacker, I have to say, I think its very funny.

  8. #8
    Lakesailor's Avatar
    Lakesailor is online now Registered User
    Location : A North Country Lake
    Join Date
    Feb 2005

    Default Re: A Tax inspector writes ...

    Part of an 18 month investigation in which I partook, instigated by the Inland Revenue, included an amazing piece of Poirot-like detection work.
    They found an invoice from Hull Marina for 90 for a lift-out. That was for a survey on a Jaguar 25 I was looking at.
    We left an offer of about 8000 with the broker and went on a holiday in Lanzarotte (bargain -1 week about 190)
    Whilst there I bought some sunglasses on Visa from a shop called Boutique Antigua. About 50, but in Pesetas about 14,000. They found that voucher.
    The letter from the Inspector asked my accountant if "Mr Brown could explain how he can afford to keep a yacht in Hull Marina and sail it to Antigua for his holidays?"
    I really enjoyed our next meeting.
    18 month investigation. Result: I owe them 230. But they owe me tax I didn't claim on selling a car.


  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov 2001

    Default Must be a CON

    Surely you represent Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs?

    What is this Inland Revenue thingy?


  10. #10
    bilbobaggins is offline Registered User
    Location : Grey Havens Marina - Elves pontoon
    Join Date
    Feb 2005

    Default Re: A Tax inspector writes ...

    They like nothing better than to find someone for whom an 'nvestigation' seems warranted, and the file gets kicked upstairs to a Special Department.

    *We* have a remedy not available to many others. Do the outstanding maintenance over this winter, photocopy a handful of charts and - just before 4 April next year - head off out onto the ogin. Destination - 'towards.....'

    After a year away - less the permitted <90 days home - one becomes 'not resident for tax purposes'. After 3 years, less permitted time, one becomes 'not ordinarily resident for tax purposes'. Those comprise two of the more interesting statuses known to man.

    I just wish I had the problem that I know how to solve.....

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