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  1. #1
    Gunfleet is offline Registered User
    Location : Hull - to my surprise
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    Default World\'s best sailing joke

    assiduous readers of t'internet news sites will have seen that the world's best joke is now officially a spike milligan effort about a hunter who shoots his companion. Leaving aside the fact that this is not the world's best joke (the world's best joke starts with 'what time is it eccles' and ends with 'here, this bit of paper aint going') what is the world's best sailing joke? Jake Kavanagh please take notes... you need to!

  2. #2
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    Default Re: World\'s best sailing joke

    Two people are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea.

    "What's this?" asked the skipper, "It looks as if someone is drowning!"

    "No," explained his crew, "It's just a little wave."

    - Nick

  3. #3
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    Default Re: World\'s best sailing joke

    A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

    The girl nodded 'yes.' After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

    Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "We're going to Europe, and he's screwing me." "He sure is, lady," said the Captain. "This is the Robben Island Ferry."

    - Nick

  4. #4
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    Default Re: World\'s best sailing joke - another old one

    A mobo-er meets an old salt in a bar, and they take turns recounting their adventures at sea. Noting the aging skipper's peg-leg, hook, and eye patch The mobo-er asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

    The raggie replies "We were caught in a huge storm off the cape and a giant wave swept me overboard. Just as me crew were pullin' me out a school of sharks appeared and one of 'em bit me leg off".

    "Blimey!" said the mobo-er . "What about the hook"?

    "Ahhhh...", mused the old salt, "We were in a bar in Casablanca and a little disagreement ensued over a woman. In the fracas me hand got chopped off."

    "Blimey!" remarked the mobo-er. "And how about the eye patch"?

    "A seagull droppin' fell into me eye", answered the abashed raggie.

    "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the questioner asked incredulously.

    "Well..." said the old salt - " it was me first day with the hook."

    - Nick

  5. #5
    nimbusgb is offline Registered User
    Location : A long way from my boat! :(
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    Default Re: World\'s best sailing joke - another old one

    Nervous first timer to skipper. "Do yachts like this sink very often?".
    "No, usually it's only once!"


    Barrump!
    "Tomorrow to fresh woods and pastures new"

  6. #6
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    Default Re: World\'s best sailing joke - this isn\'t it . . .


  7. #7
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    Default Re: World\'s best sailing joke - parrot

    An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different color.... green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
    After a while the young man noticed that the captain was staring at him.

    "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?

    The old captain replied, "Got drunk once and married a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son!"

  8. #8
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    Default Re: World\'s best sailing joke - this isn\'t it . . .

    not often this chance comes along so here goes ...
    i was going to say don`t .. but in fact you have just given up the day job i believe [img]/forums/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

  9. #9
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    Default Re: World\'s best sailing joke - this isn\'t it . . .

    Yep. . . no more whinging teenagers . . .

    Have just run my first DS/Comp Crew coourse in blazing sunshine on the Clyde.

    - Nick

  10. #10
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    Default Re: I say I say I say . . .


    -My wife went on a sailing course in Poole

    -In Dorset?

    -Yes, she'd recommend it to anyone.


    - Nick

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