On the fear thing, your knowledge of the strength of the boat is the thing to get across to her. In extreme situations she may not have that knowledge to reasure her. My g/f had sailed quite a bit but hadn't been out in much rough weather, I'd grown up racing cross channel in 1/2 tonners which we frequently pushed to breaking point.
Not trusting the boat meant she was not as happy shutting hatches and going below to have a cuppa and ride out some rough weather, and staying in the cockpit was not an option. At the time I don't think she believed a aword I said about the boat being capable of withstanding the storm.
Next time with new g/f I will make very sure we get out in some rough weather but can go somewhere sheltered. She's already experienced a J24 on its side in wild broaches with stantions under water so she's learning!
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